Things I've Discovered This Year

So I feel like this year has been one of a lot of progression, whilst at the same time I’ve gone backwards. Like I’ve managed to work a lot on myself, and how I am, but also like I’ve never disliked myself more.

I’ve learnt a lot this year, a lot about who I am and what I want (though I still don’t know lolz) and it’s only September.

There’s also some less ‘ground breaking’ and ‘life changing’ ones in there. Just ya know, things I’ve picked up over the past 9 months.

I really have a teeth problem
Not as in, my teeth are falling out and I’m going to basically become a gummy bear, but I think that’s what I’m scared of. I went to the dentist for the first time in probably about 2 years a couple of weeks ago, and I was terrified.  I don’t actually mind the whole process of the dentist, I mean it’s uncomfortable, and I’d much rather be in bed binge watching Celebs Go Dating, but it doesn’t give me ‘the fear’ as I hear so many other people get.

Tbf, my new dentist just down the road from where I live is lovely. He made me feel like I wasn’t going to leave with no teeth, and when I almost collapsed at the cost of something he’s recommended he assured me that actually, I could be OK without it. I had to have a deep clean last week and honestly, it was the most painful thing that’s ever happened to me. My teeth are still so sensitive now a week on… though I did have biscuits and hot chocolate for breakfast.

(side note, after I'd scheduled this I got back to find someone has sent me a packet of Sensodyne toothpaste... tune in next week to find out who (I genuinely do not know))

It’s unbelievably beneficial to have friends in different circles
I am very lucky. I have a lot of friends. Even though at times it feels like I’m very alone because I don’t have vast amounts of friends in London, I know that’s not the case. I have friends online, friends at home, friends down in Brighton and even a best friend over in Australia. There’s not a lot of places I could go and not know anybody that lives/used to live somewhere.

It’s also great to have people to talk about situations with who don’t know anybody in the situation. Wow, that took a fair bit of rewording. If I’m having a trouble with someone in London, I can go and talk to so many other people about it to get an outsiders opinion. Or if I’m planning a surprise, I can get advice from other people. I can’t express how rewarding it is to speak to people who have different backgrounds, have been through different things, or even the same things but differently. Learning other people’s experiences fascinates me constantly.

A lot of things I thought to be set in stone, are not
I thought I’d have a career in TV. I thought I’d be living in a nicer place than a glorified cupboard with no heating at 24. I thought I’d have my life sorted at 24. 

None of these things have happened. Flash back to 18 year old me that thought I'd go to Uni, have a great time and graduate and then end up in some good TV job a couple of years down the line. Uh oh. Nah mate. I'm freshly 24 and I'm having a career style crisis. I feel very fradulent. Like I've somehow skipped all the sensible classes and learnt why you shouldn't spend your last £2.99 on McDonalds or how people should behave in different situations. I feel like I've faked it this far and now I'm very like UMMMM. I'm struggling with this, I'm not gonna lie. I'm trying to tell myself that its completely fine to feel this way, like I have no direction and something will happen that throws me into something I'm suddenly fine with.

But what if that doesn't happen? What if I spend my life feeling unfulfilled and lost?

There is a Frank Turner song for every emotion I've ever felt. 
If you don't know this man, do yourself a massive favour and get his YouTube up. Go on. Now. I'm a massive Franky T fan. I've gone to see him three times I think now, I'm currently reading his book and I spend far too much time perusing Twitter trying to find sold out tickets for his talk next month (someone please let me buy some off you kthxbai). In fact, when Sam and I started talking we both discovered we loved the man and it kinda gave us something else to talk about. Though Sams met him which is a source of great jealousy to me. 

Anyway, there was a point to this. I genuinely feel like whatever I'm going through, something that Franky has sung about will make me feel better, or less alone. His lyrics are fab and one that completely resonates with me right now is 'no-one's yet explained to me exactly what's so great, about shelving 50 years away on something that you hate'. Because, ya know, the aformentioned reasons.

To sum this all up if you got bored and scrolled to the bottom looking for wisdom, listen to Frank Turner and I don't know what I'm doing. Oh, and my teeth hurt.