Right keep this a secret but I actually feel like I'm getting a bit old no?



I genuinely thing it was only yesterday I was 21, able to handle my drink (and more importantly my hangovers) and could eat a whole pizza without instantly putting on 4 stone. But here I am, almost 25. But anyway, a lot has changed this year, and I wanted to do a bit of a summary.

So here we are, 14 things I've done this year:

1. Started asking for help more
2. Went on holiday to Florida
3. Started liking myself a bit more
4. Lost a lot of weight
5. Got in a relationship and put it all on again (and some)
6. Became a Tinderella
7. Made some brilliant new friends
8. Went through a few different jobs
9. Became a lot stronger
10. Met up with the Blog Squad and had a ball
11. Got out of something I was unhappy in, and decided to make a change
12. Started spending time on self care, and knowing what I need when I need it
13. Started teaching myself a lot more things
14. Celebrated a year of blogging

I feel like 2017 has been a year full of changes, both good and bad. It's been a tough year, but I for one feel like I've come out of it a lot stronger.

What have you done this year?

It's not been easy to get in the Christmas spirit for me this year. Leaving the flat at 7am, getting back at 7pm, spending half my life on a crowded Tube train and the fact that I've been ill for approximately 2 months. But when it comes to it, I think that all I really needed was a little Christmas sparkle in my life.

Once again, Talking Tables know exactly how to jump in on time and fix everything. What a surprise. The babes. This post is a relatively short one but I have more bits and bobs going on with them over the next while so keep your eyes peeled!

 The trouble is, living in a rented place that I will (hopefully) not be living out the rest of my years in, I don't have a great deal of things I can actually do without wrecking my walls and losing the deposit. Which is probably worth more than my left kidney. Also, my room is smaller than some peoples wardrobes so the idea of getting a tree or any large things is hugely laughable. So all the things I have up in this post can be done without ruining the chance of getting your deposit back, whether it's blue tack, free standing or can be pinned into the side of a door frame (sneaky).

Everybody knows that fairy lights make anything feel Christmassy and overall more snug and cosy, which is something a small cupboard/room definitely needs. It's lovely to sit and blog under them, or even just cosy up watching Netflix with the boyf. These copper ones from Talking Tables are especially wintery, they're such a subtle and soft light it's the flat equivalent of having a fire burning.

 Something to make your shelves, or desk, or on top of your chest of drawers more festive are these cute as anything Nordic Christmas Trees. They have wood trunks and you could mould the tree-y bit around a bit to how you want/make it stand up. I also had some great fun making up some fake snow I got from Winter Wonderland. I go to that bloody stand every year and it's so much fun and now I have it in my house and it's just amazing. I hope you all know what I'm talking about here.


A final thing to do to get your room in the Christmas spirit is pretty obvious, light some candles. I have this Yankee Candle which is called Snow in Love and is such a clean but Christmassy scent, it get everywhere. With the fairy lights it makes for such a nice lighting and with this to get all snuggly with (but never fall asleep with candles on, I'm such a fire freak) I do feel a lot more relaxed at nighttime.

So there it is, some ways to make your rented cupboard apartment feel all cosy and festivey without throwing away your deposit! Let me know what you think about it down below!


*I was sent the Talking Tables items in this post in return for a review, but all pictures, thoughts and love for them is absolutely my own*

So as my first post in the most mismatched series of posts ever, I'm starting off with some goals for 2018. I've mentioned approx a thousand times before that I love the optimism of starting a new year all fresh, so here we go eh. May as well just jump right in then...



1. Blog more
I mean I said this last year, and I blogged a lot less. But ya know, what you gonna do? I've been through a lot of jobs this week, a lot of things have gone on (wait for the next post, I'm a tease) and I have been very busy. I don't think I've really had a break since I went to Florida and even that wasn't the most relaxing holiday. But I do feel a bit more settled now and with a long commute on my hand I wanna learn to use that as productively as I can in the New Year. Ideally watching new stuff on Netflix whilst blogging (so if anyone wants to gift me an iPad Air that'd be great). Anyway I really wanna put a lot of effort into my blog and not see it trailing into nothingness like it kinda has been.

2. Try being Vegetarian
I am a meat lover. For the first 23 years of my life I strongly believed a meal isn't a meal without meat. I couldn't understand why anyone would be a vegetarian because that would mean you can't eat bacon. But over the first month or so I have really cut down my intake of meat. To be honest, it was nothing to do with the environment or anything ethical, more that a) meat is expensive b) I painful bloat a lot (TMI) and was convinced it was coeliac like my Mum, but since I cut down it's got a lot better. So I'd like to give it a go. Even if I only last a month I'd like to just try. Also my Dad told me a really cute story about a pig at his monastry the other day and it made me very emotional.

3. Join a Class
I was so tempted to write 'get fit' as a goal, like I do every bloody year and every year I get to December the 18th and end up fatter than I was in the first place. This year is no exception. Back in January/February I lost a tonne of weight (thanks to night shifts), got really happy with how I looked and then got in a relationship and promptly put it all back on again. Thanks. When I was younger I did dancing classes for 15 years and loved it, and it's something I really want to get back into. I'd love to do tap dancing again but for some reason it seems harder to find an adult tap dancing in London than on the Isle of Wight.

4. Take more short trips around Europe
It won't be hard for me to improve upon that for this year, seeing as I didn't take any short trips out around Europe at all. My friend Sophie and I have been planning a day trip to Oslo for approximately the last 12 years but we seem to have gone another year without taking our relationship to the next level. I know there's so many cheap flights around at the moment (Thanks to Ryanair no doubt) and I'd love to take advantage of them even if it's only for a day here and there. Though to be fair I did have a nightmare the other night that I went to Oslo and got mugged by some nurses dressed as pigs and ended up sleeping rough on the street. So who knows.

5. Learn new things
I really want to become one of them really cool well rounded people that appears to have knowledge in everything. Though tbf I also want to be one of those people that likes to run and chooses fruit over a doughnut but I tell you thats not gonna happen. Anyway, realistic goals, I want to take some new courses. I'm going through an NVQ online right now, I do Japanese on Duolingo and I just wanna become cool. Because who doesn't love cool?

So there we are, my goals for the next 12 months. A pretty generic post but I for one feel motivated now and I'm hoping I've passed that on to you!

Ha, I started my last post of 2016 with exactly the same title. With exactly the same sense of optimism, motivation and breath of fresh air that comes with a New Year.



And did it change things? Actually, it was a pretty progressive year.
And do I regret it? Absolutely not. I still love, and will always love the excitement that comes at the end of the year. The thought that anything is possible, you're starting a new page, a clean slate, a breath of fresh crisp January air.

Anyway, I'm digressing as per.

A lot of people do Blogmas this time of year, or their own different series of Christmas posts. But, I'm not gonna lie, I'm a bit Scrooge this year. I am currently sat in a cold flat, listening to the door slam for the 60,000th time, knowing I should get some sleep because I'm up in 8 hours for my two hour commute. And this isn't me moaning (shocking). This is just me struggling to look past the next day to a time where I can sit around all day eating Pigs in Blankets and doing cartwheels with Jack.

But there is one thing that is kind of making me keep going.

A NEW YEAR.

So I decided I'm going to do a little mini series about basically reviewing the year, goals for the next year and just maybe telling you a bit more about myself.

Not gonna lie, it's not planned at all. It won't be every day, maybe twice a week (hopefully), one post a week reviewing and one goal-ing. I know that's not a word.

So basically, bare with me, keep reading and I'm kinda hopefully back to blogging. 

So I can't really remember if I've mentioned this before, but I have a sleeping problem. Yes, like everyone else in the world I don't get enough of it. But also, I sleepwalk, sleeptalk, sleeptext and have such realistic dreams I feel like I haven't slept because I was too busy having my flatmate turn the flat into a light show and tidying my bedroom because I live in Disney World and my Mum was coming to stay.

True stories.



When I tell people I sleepwalk it's normally met with a 'REALLY?' and a laugh. Because, yeah I get it, it's funny to imagine me walking round like a zombie putting my socks on at 3 in the morning because I think someone's coming to get me for a bike ride. But in reality, it means that I live the rest of my life (deep) as an actual zombie and constantly feel exhausted because really, I've never actually slept.

I was actually in the Sun about all this (10 bonus points if you can find that article because I am defo not sharing it) which made everyone, including me, think it was super funny. I wasn't going to post this because I wasn't really too sure if it would be an interesting post but Gwennan persuaded me that she'd like to read it, and I do everything she says because she is Queeeeeen.

So here we are, have a list of things I've sleep text various people throughout the course of 2017.

- Lol msomdellmmsldepe

-  Can I
Come
Downs (from me during a nightshift)

- *Picture of me in bed*

- Come is blending ad the time

- Do you wanna sleepwalk?

- Nah j wanna go to Scotland

- I meant why are you such a dickens

- I meant two wybfamdenv

- Can we go on Supermarket Sweep

- And the cupcakes? You know the cakes

- Oooooooh thanks Gwennan!

- *Image of a meme about the longest dominos chain being knocked over by a bird* (I still to this day have no idea where I got this from or where it went)

- That' dnnöhn

- It's a trip though

- Are you here??

Nobody whos number I have is safe, muhahahah.

We've all seen the Instagram feeds of Londoners haven't we? The beautiful houses, the parks filled with autumn leaves and the late night lights of Tower Bridge twinkling. It's easy to think of London life as glamorous, but really, I will never be able to afford to houses, the park is cold and the only reason I'm at Tower Bridge to see the lights is because I was working till 1am.

The whole thing of not believing everything you see on social media has been said a thousand times before, but today I got thinking about an even more shitter side of London that nobody really talks about.



I was sat on the Tube on Friday, when an announcement came over the tannoy saying that the central line (aka the depths of hell) wouldn't be stopping at Bond Street or Oxford Circus. There wasn't a reason given and you could see everybody looking round edgily on the Tube. Apart from the drunk man who didn't even realise anything.

Someone else got on the Tube and told someone else (yes, strangers were talking on the Tube, that's when you know it's going down) that there'd been a shooting in Selfridges and then there was this weird kind of atmosphere across the carriage.

There was a look on everybody's face, but it wasn't the look I was expecting, or thought I should see. There wasn't really any panic, or shock, it was a kind of acceptance and pity.

I think that's what scares the most about this whole thing is that nobody is shocked anymore. I feel like everybody kind of expects it. I've been working in Central London now for a year and a half, and I've sort of pushed away the thoughts in my head that each day something could happen on my journey, or something could go wrong, because, quite frankly it's not worth worrying about.

But today it made me realise just how much it does scare me. And how much when you put everyone in a situation where it's right in front of them, it scares them too. I think everybody has become numb about the risks we put ourselves in every day. Nobody is shocked by anything anymore, it's become kind of acceptive and I think that's what scares me even more.

Whilst it turns out it was just a stampede on Friday (I believe), it does kinda show just how something can turn so quickly, clearly people on the platform were scared and the first thought in everybodys mind was terrorism. Because, well, thats what we think about a lot these days.

I don't really know what the point of this post was, but it kinda felt good to write it...

I know that it's officially November and in the majority of bloggers minds that means it's time to be wrapping up presents listening to Michael Buble with a Christmas hat on.

But you're all wrong.
(And I am the grinch)



I mean I love Christmas but not yet. But that's the point of another post.
My point was that I know I'm probably a bit late with this autumnal post but I think A/W is a difficult time for looking after yourself, but it's important to still do it.

It gets dark a lot earlier, it's cold (especially when your heating still isn't working), and everyone is missing that sunshine that 6 weeks ago we were all moaning about. But here's my top tips to make sure you still look after yourself for the rest of the year (and beyond).

Get Outside
I know, it's cold. It's so much easier to stay cuddled up inside your bed watching Parks and Rec (my new obsession) and drinking 50 cups of Peppermint Tea. But getting outside in that fresh crisp air can be exactly what your mind needs to brush away those cobwebs. It is literally like doing a little spring clean on your brain... in the wrong season. But seriously, is there anything better than the sound of crunching leaves between your feet?

Do Cute Outside Things with Cute People
Bit vague. There's lots of little events and stuff around Autumn that you can pop in your Bullet Journal to keep yourself busy. There's Halloween, Bonfire Night, Christmas Markets and Christmas Lights. I'm going to Alexandra Palace fireworks this weekend with a bunch of people, and I'm buzzing. Whilst a lot of displays are ticketed I know there's loads of fields local to me that do free displays and I'm sure there's some near you too. Last week I went round a local market with Sam and for a nice walk and I also went to Gods Own Junkyard with my buddy Sophie.

Do Cute Things Inside with Cute People
Ha. You got me. I know I'm saying it's good to get out, but it's also nice to stay in and be cosy. Do some baking, invite your bffl over for a cute film session with popcorn and chocolate, have the boyf over for a cuddle and binge through Stranger Things together. Build a fort. Sit in with fairy lights and candles and hot chocolate.

Eat Healthy Food
I actually find it easier to eat healthy in winter than in summer, but I think I'm weird in that way. I'm just not a salad eater. I get it's a lot easier to eat chocolate when you're all snuggled up, but there are alternates. Right now, I am obsessed with making soup. I'm probably going to do a recipe post soon but there's loads online, and I basically boil up all the vegetables I want for about 30 minutes and then blend them up with a hand blender. And it's loads of veggies all in one go. Eating healthy really does make you feel better about yourself and soup is great to give you a nice little warm up.

And that's it!
That's the things I'm doing in these colder months to keep myself feeling as positive as possible!

Do you have any top tips?

WOOHOO
Am I a real blogger? I've officially posted 100 posts (miserable attempt in a year and a half, I'm fully aware).
I also realise that I probably should have done this for my 100th post, but I didn't realise until I'd scheduled my Londoner post and scheduled all the tweets, and ya gal isn't about redoing all that.



So for my 101st post, I thought I'd write a little list of things I want to do before I get to 100. I know there's the 1001 before 100 post but I don't have enough time on my hands to do 1001 things. Man, I barely have time to do 50, I'm of course procrastinating tidying my bedroom now.

Anyway, enough of the rambling. Here we go:

- Do another skydive
- Go back to Lapland (with kids probably omg)
- Ride a hot air balloon
- Travel more of Europe
- Do some day trips to different countries
- Become comfortable in a career
- Become comfortable in myself
- Get married
- Take my little old blog somewhere good
- Go in a shark tank
- Beat my phobia of mice/rats
- Teach myself to be confident with HTML
- Become more brave
- Not be out of breath running to the bus
- Run a 10k
- Improve my baking
- Go to Pompeii
- Go on a TV show (Like a quiz or something)
- Learn to actually live in an organised room
- Stop procrastinating
- Never regret anything
- Help people
- Stop being such a fussy eater
- Learn to live in the moment
- Ride an elephant
- Visit Japan
- Improve my (currently non-existant) Japanese
- Visit the Dead Sea
- Go to Oslo with Sophie
- Spend a night somewhere very different
- Take my children to Disney World
- Go zorbing
- Become a Guinness World Record holder (fun fact, once I almost was because I applied being the loudest 'tongue clicker' - sounds weird but it's very loud - but turns out there's a whole language based on it)
- Visit home more
- Go on more staycations with the blog squad
- Explore the UK more (spesh Ireland helllooooo Irish accent)
- Get my hair in good condition again
- Donate my hair to people who need it
- Island hop in Greece
- See ABBA perform if they were ever to reunite
- Learn to stop being so bitter
-  Fly first class
- Roadtrip round America
- Do flyboarding jet packing (I think that's what it's called)
- Visit Canada
- Get that thing where the fish eat your feet
- Have another white Christmas somewhere
- Do the Groupon holiday where you don't know where you're going until you get to the airport
- Attend a flm premiere
- Be happy

(This was actually pretty tricky, when I got stuck I googled Bucket Lists and I'd already done quite a lot of them, whoops)

Is there anything you think I've missed? Or anything you'd like to add to your bucket list?

The title for this old post is a bit of a weird one, not going to lie.

Is there any perfect environment to hang out with strangers? I definitely wouldn't say getting picked up in car by a stranger is great. Or agreeing to spend the weekend in a barn with them in the middle of nowhere? Following another car full of strangers down the darkest little forest paths, feeling like you're about to be stabbed?


Well, all of these things happened almost 3 weeks ago now (WHAT).
And yes, I guess you could argue that it didn't happen with strangers, we've talked online pretty much every day for the last year and a half, I've met up with most of them at least once and I feel like I know them better than I know myself.

But yes, there is a perfect environment set up for spending time with people you barely know IRL, and I'm pretty sure we achieved it. Talking Tables, the bae's that have taken us under their wing, sent us loads of great bits and bobs to make the aptly named Party Barn feel like it fell out of Pinterest.

In case you didn't know, the 16th of September was my 24th birthday. I know, I don't look a day over 20. Now the gals, because they're ridiculously cheeky rascals and little shits (said with so much love I can't even explain) were beyond sneaky and organised the party barn to be decorated with lots of party gear so we could celebrate in style. And Gwennans Mum (Thanks Liz) made us a delicious cake and Gwennan decorated it with fondant versions of ourselves and it was fab. In all seriousness I haven't been this surprised in ages and it was SUCH a nice start to the weekend. I'm sure I'll write a gushy post about it at some point but this post is all about the decor.


Every inch of the barn was covered in something from TT, from the iridescent curtains to balloons all over the floor.

Talking Tables are a brand doing PR with bloggers SO right. They're so friendly, lovely and just all round babes. Even if they hadn't sent us stuff for the picnic back in August last year, I'd still be swooning over their website and hanging up their decor to brighten up my tiny, overpriced and thanks to a constant broken boiler, freezing cold London room. So the fact that they want to work with me and my tiny space of the internet is beyond amazing to me.

Of course, they were in with the whole surprising me thing, so they sent the gang enough bits and bobs that they wouldn't need my stuff, and didn't tell me a thing. The candles spelling 'Get Lit' are probably my favourite thing, I've kept them for myself in anticipation of more birthdays and celebrations. It was great being around a group of people who didn't even flinch at relighting the candles THREE times so we could get the perfect Boomerang.


Fairy lights are, let's be honest, the perfect blogging accompliment to any scenario. They even make my aformentioned dingy room look cute... sometimes. I have them everywhere. And Talking Tables sent us 4 different types, in cool, warm, pink and some incredible pastel ones. The variety of colours lighting up the room made it even more cute, especially when we made it back from our walk a full 6 seconds before the heavens opened... it felt so cosy inside.


And what party is complete without a very competetive game of Prosecco Pong? It was me and Effi vs Hannah and Sarah... and Effi and I were obviously the best team, I mean, come on. Do you even need to ask who won? It was such good fun to have a good old game of it, get through a couple of bottles of bubbly and get some brilliant boomerangs of the whole thing. Because did something even happen if you didn't boomerang it?


On the Sunday morning we had heavy hearts of leaving each other later that day, so we headed to the on sight pool (fancy) with our Talking Tables inflatables, ready to float around photogenically. There wasn't a lot of swimming in this, not gonna lie, but there was a lot of holding cameras in very precarious positions to get that 'perfect shot'. And floating round the pool on a giant inflatable pineapple sipping from a disco ball cup was a very relaxing, and bloggerific, end to the weekend.


Overall Talking Tables really added another dimension to this weekend, whilst us 5 (Nina couldn't make it unfortunately) could have had an amazing time sat in any old room, they really made it even more worth our while. I've linked up all the products I've talked about and would definitely recommend to a friend.

*We were sent these products from Talking Tables in exchange for a review but I honestly love the pants off them and all opinions are my own*

You know, unless he was a sister...

Ha I jest, I've had my influence on Jack and now he spends his spare time doing cartwheels and trying to get into the splits. Not that there's anything wrong with that of course.


Anyway, I remember when my Mum told us we were going to have another little sibling, I was not impressed.For context, Jack has a different dad to me and my other brother, but that's kind of irrelevant. I didn't want a smelly nappy baby (this has actually become what I call Jack) invading my life, ya know, plus I was a hormonal 15 year old and didn't want things to change.

As time rolled round I got more used to it. But I still remember the day that Jack was born, getting the call that it was a boy. Again, not impressed. I already have one brother, I don't need another, I've always been the only girl in my entire family (up until two weeks before Jack was born lol) and I'd had enough of it. Plus, dressing up girls is fun.

But you know, the wonderful thing about babies is that you can't dislike them. Babies generally bring everybody together in a warm fuzz of babiness and that's exactly what happened.

Let's skip through the first few years of Jacks life, because although babies are cute, they're pretty boring. Especially when they're crying all night.

I can't really pinpoint when Jack became such a huge part of my life. Probably just before I went to University, so he would have been 4 and I would've been 18. I remember when I left home and he kept bringing teddies out to the car for me to take with me. Oh gosh, that made me get emotional again, uno second.

I don't really want to go into too much detail here, but the first year of Uni was rough. Jack (although he will probably never know it, unless this blog is still around when he's a grown up, in which case, hello future) got me through a lot. And it's a lot of dark stuff that I barely talk about with my bffl, let alone the one person that's reading this blog from a dark corner of the UK.

Having someone young around you, forces you to be positive. There's this little piece of person who doesn't know how shit the world can be, hasn't been influenced by any negativity and doesn't know there's ratass boys (or girls) around. And there's something so incredibly heart warming about that. I never wanted to be someone who negativitised (is that even a word) Jacks view on life. It's nice to know that his view on the world is pure, and obviously that's lessened as he got older, but it's still cute.


And in a weird kind of way, having that stability of a young person to look after, or think about how my actions could effect him, stopped me from doing a few things that would probably have impacted my life now. Deep, I know.

He got me this proper cute quote for my recent birthday (hello grandma) and it's probably the cutest thing I've ever recieved. I know it sounds a bit sad but he probably is like a best friend to me. Not in the way that I tell him about boy troubles (mainly because he's been in a 'relationship' longer than me lolz) or job problems, but in the way that he can actually cheer me up at any point. If I call my Mum with problems and I'm grumpy she will always get me to speak to Jack because he makes my heart a bit happier.

Also, I actually lived in the house when Jack was, you know, hard work. When he was an actual baby and needed feeding and changing and looking after. And you know you're always aware of how hard kids are, but I think it's something you never truly know until you're around a kid all the time. And not saying that it's bad to have kids now or that I would have had 3 kids by now if Jack wasn't a thing, but it's made me realise how hard it is. And how there's things I want to have on a personal level before I have children. I know that plans never really follow through (in the middle of a life career crisis I couldn't be more aware) but it's nice to have ideas in place isn't it.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, thanks Jackywackydoodah. Also, remember folks, if you get news of something you feel will ruin everything, you never know, it could be the best thing that ever happens to you.

You may have noticed that me and some fab bloggers went away on a little staycation a week and a bit ago... we've posted about it on every corner of the internet.

BECAUSE IT WAS AMAZING.

I'm going to do a post about the actual weekend at some point (probably...tbh reminiscing makes me sad) but I kinda wanted to post a wee post about how we became bffls and stuff.




I see a lot of people on Twitter saying that they wish they could have blogger friendship groups, or even passive aggressively indirecting moaning about how people who have friends from blogging.

I can't stand any of this pettiness that is often showcased on social media. If you have a problem, say it properly and not snidy. Yeah, sometimes as a group we have hilarious conversations on Twitter (there is a squirrel emoji and not a chipmunk one... just ignore Sarah), and maybe it comes up on your feed a lot. But ya know what? If you wanna, join in.

*Insert the emoji of a lass shrugging her shoulders*

I think a lot of people sit around and wait for things to happen (which tbf, I'm not denying happened to us, all thanks to Sarah), but if you really want something, do it yourself? Nobody's going to get angry at you for starting a twitter conversation or sliding into someones DM's to have a chat. Unless it's automated of course.

So how did we start?

Back in about June 2016, I was sat at my aunties house in the murky weather that only English summertime can bring, probably watching Friends and sipping a peppermint tea. I remember it well when Sarah's message popped up saying that she wanted to organise a picnic and she wanted us to help her organise it. And ya know, the rest is history.



Having friends that you've met online will probably seem weird, and a problem that only us millenials would face. But ya know what? It's been probably one of the best things to happen to me, to have people that are so unrelated to my day to day life, don't know the people that are a constant around me, to be able to unload on them. And when we were away, I've never felt so comfortable with a group of people in my life. There was no talking behind people's back (except for them organising my surprise, the rascals), no awkwardness and everything just worked.

So sorry for the rantiness and lack of direction this post has taken, but seize the day. Speak to people you think you'd get on with and see what happens. 

I don't really know what I want to achieve by this post.

It's probably going to turn into one of those rambly, moaning posts which I love but you probably don't.

I have pretty much always suffered with low confidence. I was a confident kid, but once I did all that growing up it went again, and then took another nose dive when I ventured off to University.



It's taken another nose dive recently, probably because of my mental health at the moment but also because, to be honest, I really don't think a lot of myself. At all.

I don't feel like I deserve to be happy, I don't compare to anybody, nobody really wants me around and I'm unsure of everything. But who does this to me? I do.

I have a wonderful boyfriend, who constantly says and makes me feel like I'm actually not horrific to look at or be around. I have some great friends, family and nobody has actively said anything horrible about me or my appearance for quite some time. So why do I continue to think that they do?

The thing is, think of it like this. I worry my hair doesn't look right, my clothes don't suit me, they're too bright, they're too dark, the lipstick I'm wearing makes me look extra pale... you name it. But if I'm walking down the street and I see a woman in bright red lipstick. Am I going to think, oh that lipstick doesn't go with her eyes, when her hair is up it shows off her chest bones and looks terrible, her dress doesn't go in at the waist.

No.

Tbh, I could see a woman going out in a lingerie stocking and whilst I'd probably be like wtf, if she was confident in what she's wearing I'd still admire her. So why do we think that people think things about us that we don't even think about others?

I don't really know where I can go with my confidence here, or my general well being, and I don't really know the point of this post.

I just kinda wanted to get it off my chest.

I know it's a lot easier for me to say to you, I know it's hard to listen to advice from someone you've probably never met but next time you tear yourself down for something about yourself, think about whether you'd even notice that on someone else. I'm gonna hedge my bets with you wouldn't.

Yes it's great to be all girl boss and love yourself and all that shibbaz, but I need to focus on the reality of me.

Take one step at a time, wear/do whatever it is makes you feel good. Don't wear pink 'cause you think it makes the boys wink, don't wear frilly tops just because they're in fashion, wear that blue dress that you think brings out your eyes. Because that's the first step.

And I'll try and follow my own advice too.

So recently I got the dreaded '80% left of your daily allowance' text. Probably about 10 days after my monthly contract had started. Whoops.

I don't even have Pokemon Go to blame anymore.

My first thought was kinda unpublishable, the thought of going around 2 weeks without data was unthinkable and the pennies left in my bank account shook their head at me paying again. So I turned off my data, vowed to only turn it on if I actually needed it, and it's been like that ever since.



1. I am addicted to my phone and the Internet.
To be fair, I think most of us are. And you don't really realise how bad you are when you don't have it. When I was in Greece and Lapland I lived off wifi, which was weird but I was also kinda too busy to miss it that much. But sitting on a train for 50 minutes (more with delays, lets face it) and not having Twitter to scroll is weird. But kinda nice. And I got to call my grandparents a lot more which is always nice.

2. Social Media doesn't move as fast as you think
I mean, I'm not one to blow my own trumpet but the first day I expected to come 'online' to hundreds of WhatsApp messages and notifications and emails. Apart from the Squad this didn't really happen. Anything I'd missed on Social Media wasn't as important as I would think, to be honest it's kinda good to get away from it all.

3. It's nice to actually BE with people with no distractions
I went home this week, and I don't think this no internet shibazz could have come at a better time. Whilst the train home was a total bore, it was nice to be with people without that constant buzzing in your bag. I went out for dinner, I went down the beach and spent lots of time with Jack without anything else on my mind. I even left my phone behind sometimes... shock.

4. I worry more about travelling in London than I think
My number one worry about having no internet was what if something happened in my commute. How would people know how I was? It's something I don't, well, try not to think about much because tbh it scares me a lot, but I think this kinda brought it to life how bad I am. I told my family, bffl and boyf that if something happened to text or ring me, but still.

5. Reading is fab
I used to be such a big reader. When I first moved to London back in 2012 (ouch, I'm old) I had all those visions of me sitting in Starbucks sipping on a latte (I didn't even like coffee then) watching people move by whilst reading on a best seller. Needless to say, that's not happened. I barely have enough money for an expresso shot in Starbucks and as for time to sit in there, that's non-existant. But I did find that whilst I had no data I found myself reaching for books a lot more. I read a lot about the Tudors and I found it made my journey go a lot quicker, and was nice to be distracted from my thoughts a lot.
(I know, I have thoughts... I was shocked too!)

6. Using your phone is so habitual
Even though I knew it hadn't gone, I found myself reaching for it all the damn time. I'd find myself opening up the Instagram app to do a little story of a sunset and then being shocked when nothing happened. It becomes such a big part of our lives to be constantly contactable, so what if you don't reply to someones message NOW? If someone needs to get hold of you in an emergency, they'll find a way.

7. You can be SO productive
Here I am, sat on my train back from the Island and I've fully written out and scheduled a blog post, and have another one to write after this. Normally I would have probably spent the journey sprawled out on the seats scrolling through Twitter and bugging my friend over WhatsApp. When I'm on the train too I work on spreads in my BuJo (all about the looks I get) and planning blog posts, it's amazing how much you can actually get done on your commute.

8. I'm gonna keep it up
My contract gets refreshed on the 31st, and originally I planned to get more data but I don't think I will now. I'm gonna keep my mobile data off whenever I'm out and about and just turn it on to check trains and buses and stuff. I wrote a post a couple of weeks ago about only ever seeing things through our phones and this is something I'm consciously trying to keep an eye on at the moment. My phone is normally always on 'Do Not Disturb' mode anyway so it's not that much of a step.

Similar rules apply to cider and potentially Stilton
I nominate Sarah from ItsNOTsarahann
Gwennan I can't wait to see you howling again
Aren't you guys lucky you get to Q&A with a slug
I'm gonna slap you both into oblivion when we reunite

We owe everything we have to Satan
You pull off the vag basically, give it a finger and a suck
Not a single fishy substance
FOR GOD SAKE WHY WONT YOU SEND ME A PHOTO OF MY MUG
How I made my millions from roast dinners
She did have a fake FB profile and fake penis though haha

I'm up for sharing milk effi
It's nowhere near as good as the mel icon
To me, Hannah is like an old German Castle
A lovely afternoon of tea bagging

Can you guess who sent which one?

I've been meaning to this for a while, photo diary posts are always nice to do and I like to look through them.
But also, I got back from Florida two months ago on Sunday and I don't know if people would actually want to look at pics of me posing with Disney characters.

But you're getting it.


You might wanna grab a cuppa (other hot drinks are available) before you read through this as it's gonna be a v v photo heavy one... if that's not obvious by the title.

So I've never ever done of these before, but I think in writing one it qualifies me as a real blogger now... RIGHT?

I always really enjoy reading whats going on in other peoples lives, and I especially love reading the ever incredible Gwennan's Friday Favourites, so thought why not give it a go.

There's only one person who can give y'all into the life of this Captain Chaos, and that's ME.


Bullet Journalling
I am baaaaaaack. Yes I've fallen head first back into the pit of BuJoing, I'm addicted, it comes everywhere with me and I'm scrolling through Pinterest on the bus for inspiration. I'm currently trying to use it to meal plan and sort my podge out, and will probs do a post on that soon...ish, who knows with me really. I'm also going to give my weekly set up page a  bit of a reshuffle next week I believe, after searching through Pinterest I found a layout which looked mighty familiar... turns out it was Hannah's. Lolz. So I'm gonna be changing that around to fit into with my busy lifestyle - and by busy, I spend my evenings trying not to fall asleep as I force myself to get into Game of Thrones. Don't hate.



Now TV
So yeah, if you've ever spoken to/met/breathed in my presence you'll have been shocked about how little TV and film I've watched. In my last Bullet Journal post I said about how I had a list of films and TV I wanted to watch...yeah that's not gone well. At all. But Now TV are smashing it with the great deals atm, got a free trial of the TV and then it was only £3.50 per month, and now I'm on a free trial of films too. So I can watch new things!!! Become normal!! Or I can just watch reruns of Friends on Comedy Central and watch Bridesmaids for the 50,000000th time. Although I have got into Sex and the City again but I'm kinda scared to watch it as it sounds...not like a TV show.

The Tudors
I mean, okay, hear me out. I'm a bit obsessed at the moment. After a whole year and one month of living in the East Side of London (read: the best side) I finally enrolled myself in the library. I'm trying this whole new thing of trying to look all cultured and actually get a bit more clever at the moment, so where better to start? I really would love to take a History class, ya know if they didn't cost my entire monthly allowance for food, so I'm starting to read a bit more and try to retain stuff. I just wanna go back to studying. Sigh. Anyway, I went off on a tangent there. I just like fooling people on the train as I sit there and read 'The Private Life of the Tudors' so people might think that I'm intellectual. Little do they know I stood in dog poo on Sunday and somehow managed to get it up my leg.

Lets be honest, if you've popped over to Gwennans blog recently and seen her cracking new redesign, it's hard not to be inspired by it. I've been trying to get myself to learn HTML for a while, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. So whilst you read this wonderful post you may notice a few changes as slowly but surely I'm going to be fiddling around and changing a couple of things. Unless you're too busy crying with laughter at how hilarious I am. Either way, please don't judge me if you click on something and it doesn't quite work or something doesn't look right... I'm probably on it.

The Squad
This is a bit of an obvious one, but after we had a proper cute motivational chat this morning I had to mention them. Oh man, it's a month today until we go on our little holibobs and we get to insult each other in person. It really is fandabydozy having a group of lass' who can go from chatting about serious issues, to having a heated discussion about bath bombs. Stay tuned for another fun post about out of context things that get said in our WhatsApp... 'cause there's some corkers.


What are you loving this week?